Apparently you make a good broom.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's blow job season.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
