You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My penis needs a shock collar
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
