i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
