Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
