Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
