What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
