I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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