If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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