This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
soo... how was my night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
