why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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