Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
