So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When are your genitals available?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
