my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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