He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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