Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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