You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize