I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
