I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
