I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize