Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
