He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
