party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
