she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
