Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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