After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
