My friends, they love my intelligence
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
