it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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