I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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