My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
