Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize