The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
