just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
