i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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