Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
