Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize