He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
