Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
