I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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