so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
