Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Girls should come with a carfax report
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
