My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
