Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
