I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
