I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
