you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
