She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
