At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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