All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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