His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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