I CAN MOONWALK!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
