Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
