I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
