i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm too high and old for this...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize