Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
