Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
