We won't sleep together?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
