You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
