My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
