In the future we'll all be gay
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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