i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
