I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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