walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
