btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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